Some Thank-Yous Are Too Big for Cards
As an “academic” working full time, I spend enough time with page limits, word counts, deadlines, style guides, formatting, etc., that sometimes I want to write freely. So, once again, I’m writing in appreciation with no Thank-You Card attached. I promise one day to return to the script, but today isn’t that day. Today I am going to write some things about my Mom and though there are a million things about her that are worth writing about, I have chosen these three:
1. Ask any of my Mom’s family to tell you anything about her from when she was a kid and they’ll likely start with little Pam walking to the library, taking out a stack of books, reading them, and returning them the next day so she could borrow another day’s worth of reading. If they don’t start there, they might end up there—it was an important part of who she was. She was a bookworm her whole life, although later, when she was a mom, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, full-time employee, dog-owner, die-hard Yankee fan, and many more things to many more people, she rarely had the chance to lose herself in books for an entire day like she did when she was young. Rather, she would take in a couple chapters at the end of the day, or on her lunch break, or in waiting rooms, or even while on the phone with a friend of hers who was a world class talker. I have a lot of her books on my shelves now; some of them have her name on the inside cover, some of them have scraps of note paper she used to mark her place. Sometimes when I’ve read a book that was hers, especially one she particularly enjoyed, I feel as though this is a new friend that we now have in common. It’s a nice feeling—both familiar and new at the same time.
2. My Mom used to work in the development office of a community college in Bridgeport, Connecticut, one of the most poverty-stricken areas of state. Her job was to raise money for scholarships and to assist students in completing their scholarship applications. She took her work very seriously because she knew the smallest increments of money could make a difference between a student being able to enroll in classes or not, or being able to buy textbooks for class, or not. These students were women with three kids working two jobs while going to class. They were first generation college students. They were people taking the first step toward reaching their goals. She was an ally for them, something worth taking seriously.
I filled in for Mom at her work during her first round of chemotherapy in the summer after I graduated college. Her job was difficult and I couldn’t do 90% of the things she did because they required either the interpersonal relationships she’d built with present donors, or the persuasive grace she’d cultivated to approach new potential donors, or the information she had mentally indexed about every scholarship, or the ability to match students to scholarships. Even though I kinda sucked at doing her job, it was a great experience for me because I learned so much about her. On a daily basis students would come to her desk looking for her so they could thank her for helping them. Because she wasn’t there, but because I look like she did, they were happy to tell me how she had suggested a scholarship for which they were particularly well-suited, given them the right forms to complete, or sent them reminders to meet an application deadline. Many of them stopped by to thank her for these things, and for giving them something perhaps even more valuable: hope. She encouraged them to apply, she believed that they’d succeed. One student said it helped to know someone was believing in her.
It was amazing for me to see the positive impact she had in her role at the school. And it became clear to see how I’d taken her for granted. That’s the funny thing about gratitude—most of the things you have to be grateful for are all around you every day: your supportive parents; your partner who knows everything about you and loves you anyway; your no-nonsense teachers; your funny and brilliant friends; the music on your ipod that gets you through the day; the rescue dogs that are thrilled to see you every time you walk through the door; the friends you make between pages of books; your health; your sanity; your curiosity; your ability. But yeah, definitely your parents. My parents encouraged my brothers and I to get the best educations we possibly could, and they made a million and one sacrifices so help us along the way. They believed in us and cheered us on. Growing up that way was natural and good, but it’s hard to see that gift for the beautiful thing it is when it’s what you’ve always known. Taking a step back, I felt that through her work, I’d gotten to know my Mom in this new way while she wasn’t even there.
3. My Mom would have been 60 years old today.
Last year on her birthday, I mailed a donation to the head of the Development Office at Housatonic Community College, where my Mom had helped so many students. A big portion of this money came from generous family and friends who donated to the Pam Prestin Scholarship Fund as a wedding gift to Tom and I.
Currently, this scholarship is a way to help some students buy textbooks. In the future, I plan to contribute more so that it can cover the cost of one student’s tuition for a semester, or even for a year. I’ve been educated within an inch of my life, but this is because my parents valued education and cultivated that same value in me (why else would I have self-inflicted graduate school?). I’d like to help other people toward their educational goals, something my Mom did effortlessly and naturally. She cared about education. She loved to help people. She worked hard and encouraged other people to work hard, too. That’s basically who she was. And in this way, she can continue to be that person.
So thank you to everyone who was so generous in donating. Because of you, there are a couple students who got to run into the Development Office and tell the person sitting where my Mom used to sit that they won the Pam Prestin Scholarship. :)
Edited to add: for those who are interested in contributing , you can go here to learn more about how to donate to the scholarship, or send me a message. Thanks!
